Whoa, it's been quite some time since I've written. Over 4 weeks I think. Sorry guys, the Christmas season was upon us and I was incredbily busy. Lots to write about that's for sure! Let's start back at the beginning. I weighed in on December 4th at 242lbs, a loss of 3 pounds from the previous week. Sweet ass!! As the week went on, I wasn't eating very well as all the chocolates and treats started to immerge at work. I am a total choco-holic and it's very hard for me to say no. Sooner or later, I am saying yes to every piece of chocolate and not being hungry for my real food. Band or no band, Christmas is a very hard season to get through. I made some pretty bad choices, starting with that week and carrying on until today. Not cool. I kinda can't wait for the holidays to be over and to get back to some normalcy when it comes to my diet! On another note, my daughter's 3rd birthday party was on the 8th. My ex husband and I decided to have a joint party. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be (mostly because he didn't bring his new girlfriend to the party, thank goodness!). I got nothing but compliments from his family and friends and it did wonders for my ego and helped me get through the party.
During this week, a friend of mine forwarded me an email about a 30 day challenge of exericise that a mutual friend of ours and her family/friends were starting. The goal was to do a minimum of 10 minutes of exercise every day for 30 days. You got 1 day off, and that was Christmas day. If you missed a day, you had/have to donate $5 to a chairty of your choice. Emails fly every day with all the participants saying whether or not they completed the day and what exercise they did. I went strong for almost 2 weeks and then I missed a day. I think to this day, I am owing about $35, so 7 days missed, I think. Not bad all things considered! That's awesome for me! Some days I would be doing my exercise at 11:30 at night! But I did it! I'm thinking of starting another one with some girls from work for January. Everyone is always gung-ho for exercise and better health at the start of a new year!
Tuesday December 11th. I weighed in at 243.6lbs. A friggen gain of 1.6lbs! WTF?! OMG! This was my first gain since the start of my journey. And it DID NOT feel good. I tried to tell myself that it was probably my period again (as I had started the day before) but I knew it also had to do with the crappy way I was eating the past week too. It sucked. During this week, I actually went in and saw my Lapband nurse and had some fluid removed from my band. I was getting heartburn every single day, numerous times a day and I knew that wasn't normal. After a discussion with my nurse, we both decided that it would be a good idea to remove some. She took out 0.5mls and although I still get heartburn sometimes, it's definitely not every day like it was and I know it's when I over eat (as one does throughout the holiday season). I weighed in there and was 243lbs on her scale as well. When I told her I had actually put on 1.6lbs over the last week, she reassured me that when it comes to "that time of the month", your weight can fluctuate up to 7lbs with water weight, etc. That made me feel a bit better about the weight gain. Again, she told me I was "kicking at this" and it made me feel really good. My goal is to be one of their success stories and be one of the poeple that gets up and talks at their seminars :) Now THAT would be cool!
On the Saturday of this week, I worked at my dad's work Christmas party. Now, I have some family and friends that work with my dad and they were all there. Some of which haven't seen me in a quite some time. Again, I got tons of compliments and again it did wonders for my ego and made me feel really good. I even had one guy call me hot! Whoa! Me?! Sweeeeet! The confidence in myself and my self esteem is definitely building. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. Honestly. When people are complimenting me, I sometimes really don't know what to say. "Thanks, I'm trying" is usually my response.
Tuesday December 18th. I step on the scale hoping I shed the 1.6lbs I gained the previous week. To my pleasant surpise, the scale reads 237lbs. WTF?! OMG! Pretty much the same reaction I had when I saw the gain the week before. I'm thinking, holy shit, if this is accurate, I lost 6.6lbs this week! I got on the scale 2 more times just to be sure. Annnnd yup! 237lbs was my weight! A loss of 55lbs since August 28th. I was ecstatic. Not only did I lose a HUGE chunk of weight, I have now broken into the 230's! I think I beamed the entire day :)
However, this week also put us much closer to Christmas and so many more chocolates and treats reared their tasty little heads. I told myself that I would indulge but be careful. I didn't want to slide back and gain again. I continued with the 30 day challenge (although like I said, I bailed on a few workouts) and hoped that it would help me maintain my weight or if I were to gain again, it would be minimal. I was preparing myself for a gain with all the food that I would be eating during the holidays.
Christmas eve was spent at my cousin's with my dad's side of the family. There were about 25 of us enjoying Christmas dinner and playing Christmas games, our regular Christmas tradition. I had to leave about 7:30 to go pick up my daughter as she spent the evening with my ex and his side of the family. I got there and decided to go in as I had gifts for my nieces (they will always be my nieces). I knew my ex's girlfriend would be there and I decided to brave it and go in. I really wanted to see the family as this was my first Christmas in 10 years that I wasn't spending with them. I really wanted to wish them all a Merry Christmas and give them all hugs. Plus, I'm not going to lie, I really wanted to go in and show myself off. And boy or boy, nothing but compliments again. I had one person not even recognise me. Now that was sweet :) The whole time I was in there, I was shaking like a leaf, trying not to leap over and punch my "replacement" in the teeth. One of my ex's Aunt's went over and helped me out by chatting her up the whole time I was there so I didn't even have to look at her. I thanked her for that afterward. It really did help me to try and focus on everyone else. My nieces's opened up their gifts and I packed up my daughter and headed back to my family's party. I felt sad, relieved, strong, and confident. Although it was one of the toughest things I've done, I'm glad I went in.
After my family's party in the city, we headed out to the cottage (at 11pm at night) to wake up there on Christmas morning. It was a long day/night but waking up to the peaceful serenity that is the cottage was so worth it. We, and when I say we, it was me, my daughter, my sister, my mom, my dad, and my uncle - who came in from BC that we haven't seen in 20 years. We opened presents in the living room with the wood stove blazing and deer crossing through the yard. It was beautiful. My daughter is finally old enough to really enjoy opening presents and understanding Santa and Christmas traditions. It was so fun watching her open all her gifts. She really helped to take my mind off of the fact that although I was around my family, having a great time, it was my first Christmas without my ex. Towards the evening, I really started to feel the sadness. My sister had already left and I usually talk to her about these feelings. So I texted her, as well as a few other friends that I trust and that I know will help me get through the sadness. My sister was at work and was the first to respond and she always has a way of wording things to make me feel better. And, like a good sister, she did. :)
I have been so full over the last 3 days, more full than I've been in the last 4 months. I defintely took WAY less than I normally would have but clearly still took to much. Again, like I said, I can't wait for the holidays to be over and to get back to some normalcy and get this weight loss kicked into high gear! Vegas is calling and I think I can be very close to my goal of 173lbs by then. That would be awesome.
Christmas day should have began with a weigh in but as I was at the cottage, it did not. So, I will try to remember to weigh myself tomorrow morning. I'm not going to dwell too much on it if I have a gain. I allowed myself to go a little crazy. But, I will get back on track and continue to "kick at this" as my nurse says :)
Oh, I will post more pics soon too! Hope you all had a great Christmas!
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