Day 4!!

Had a rotten sleep last night. Rylee woke up a few times and then was up for good at 7:30am. Me, not so much. Mom and dad were awake already and agreed to get up with Rylee so I could get another hour of sleep. Thank goodness! I needed it. Got up around 9am and immediately started getting ready for the lake. Me and Rylee were heading out with the dogs to meet my girlfriend and her son and hang out with her friend and her kids for the day. Got here about noon. Spent the day with them and Rylee had a blast in the trampoline, at the park, and playing with the sprinkler. She again didn't have a nap so she was unbelievable come bed time. I so wanted to eat some of her cut up wieners and take a spoonful of her kraft dinner. I didn't. And I'm so proud of myself for that. She really tests me and treats me like crap sometimes. Honestly. I truly believe that when she stresses me out like that, that's when I want to dive into a bowl full of chips. It's really tempting being out here. There's "good" junk food in the pantry and good bbq food in the freezer. Gotta keep my eye on the prize though. Day 4 is coming to a close and I still have 1 more shake to drink. I think one of the hardest things is to find stuff to do with my time now that I'm not eating.  Hence one of the reasons I started writing a journal.

I didn't weight myself today, but my girlfriend said it looked like I already lost some weight. I won't have access to a scale until monday so we shall see. I'm hoping for a good number cuz I wanna make sure my liver does its thing and shrinks for surgery. Also, losing a good chunk of weight before surgery would be nice. Perhaps get back to what I was when I was doing well with weight watchers and bootcamp....which would be 267....thats 25lbs. Dunno if I will lose that much tho. My pants do feel looser today :)

Oh, and as a side note...not enjoying the black tar like poops! Haha! They pre-warn you about constipation, no one tells you you can have black tar like soft poop! So not cool! Also started my period yesterday. Fantastic! Haha!

Day 3!!

Today went really, really well. Signed Rylee up for playschool and took her to tinkertown with my bff from work and her son. Rylee tested my patience on the way to and from tinkertown, but she was an angel while we were there. Which is probably what helped to make my day run smoothly. That and my girlfriend was a pal and didn't order any of the concession food while we were there. I told her she could get whatever she wanted but she only got ice cream.

I don't want people to not get what they want when I'm around. This is my new reality. I need to get used to it too. Be around these foods and not want them. It's hard, but I did it. I had a diet pepsi while we were there at THAT's IT!! So proud of myself! I was hungry toward the end but I should have brought a shake with me cuz I had only had 2 all day. And we didn't leave till 4:30!

Dealt with a screaming kid all the way home. I got home, made her supper, and had 2 more shakes which sustained me. Saved my last one for 930pm. It's now midnight and I'm getting hungry so imma go to bed now. Oh, i weighed myself around 10pm, clothes on and it said 292! kinda depressing, but I know it was late, clothes on, and it's only day 3! Haha! Only 11 more days to go!!

Day 2!!

Was hungry today at times. Felt a little light headed and dizzy but nothing too crazy. Went and hung out at my girlfriend's backyard beach this afternoon after shopping in the am. The beach was good but Rylee started to get bad as we were almost ready to pack up. I've learned that she stresses me out when she is so bad, and I eat. I "snuck" the last 1/4 of Rylee's sandwhich on the ride home. It tasted so good. But I was so mad at myself. Why did I do that? Is it really worth it? No! Heck no!

Rylee screamed all the way home cuz she was over tired. Got home and put her to sleep. Had 2.5 glorious hours to calm down. When she woke up, I made her lunch which was mini make your own pizza lunchables. I again snuck 1/4 of 1 mini pizza. Why? Cuz I was hungry and wanted to know what it tasted like cuz it looked so good. I could have ate it all. I didn't. I stopped myself after that one taste and gave myself a good talking too. Stop it! You paid good money for this and it's only the beginning. Get through these 2 weeks and you are on your way. So I stopped and didn't "sneak" anything else. I was mad at myself for doing it, but proud of myself for stopping it then.

I weighed myself when we got back from the beach. I had wanted to do it the morning I started the shakes, but I was at the lake. Then I forget again this morning. So, better late then never. I weighed myself naked around 3pm.

Starting weight was 291.6lbs. It can only go down from here :)

Start of the pre-op diet




Pre-op pictures #1, can't believe I'm sharing these.....

 

Started the pre-op diet today. Was still out at the lake with mom and Rylee. It was actually pretty smooth. Didn't feel too hungry. Which was completely odd for me. One thing that it really made me realize was how often I reach for food. Whether it be while prepping food for Rylee, cleaning up from Rylee, or just scouring through the fridge and cupboards for snacks. I pick all the time. I thought of picking at Rylee's food so much. I really wanted too, but not at all cuz i was hungry. Out of habit? Maybe....i didn't. Not even once. I was proud of myself :)

Got home from the lake mid afternoon and the evening went quite smoothly as well. I wasn't nearly as hungry as I thought I would be. And, the big bonus, is that the boost shakes aren't too bad tasting. 

  

 





Pre-op pictures #2



My last meal yesterday was a bbq double cheese burger, about 4 mini pizzas, and 3 hashbrown patties with sour cream. So random. I couldn't even finish the burger. It was good though. And I wasn't even all that sad. Which tells me that I think I'm totally ready for this. For this huge change. Even after my last meeting with my psychologist, where I realized that a part of me feels like this surgery is me failing. Failing at the battle of the bulge. Well, I had a few days to ponder that discovery and I've decided to stop thinking that way (easier said than done), and think of it as an accomplishment. To make me healthier and more confident for me and Rylee. To be a good role model for little Miss Rylee. To be around for a long time and enjoy life and be happy on the inside and out. It's not a failure, it's me taking control. To start my new life :)

 


Pre-op Pictures #3