Merry Christmas to All!!!

Whoa, it's been quite some time since I've written. Over 4 weeks I think. Sorry guys, the Christmas season was upon us and I was incredbily busy. Lots to write about that's for sure! Let's start back at the beginning. I weighed in on December 4th at 242lbs, a loss of 3 pounds from the previous week. Sweet ass!! As the week went on, I wasn't eating very well as all the chocolates and treats started to immerge at work. I am a total choco-holic and it's very hard for me to say no. Sooner or later, I am saying yes to every piece of chocolate and not being hungry for my real food. Band or no band, Christmas is a very hard season to get through. I made some pretty bad choices, starting with that week and carrying on until today. Not cool. I kinda can't wait for the holidays to be over and to get back to some normalcy when it comes to my diet! On another note, my daughter's 3rd birthday party was on the 8th. My ex husband and I decided to have a joint party. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be (mostly because he didn't bring his new girlfriend to the party, thank goodness!). I got nothing but compliments from his family and friends and it did wonders for my ego and helped me get through the party.

During this week, a friend of mine forwarded me an email about a 30 day challenge of exericise that a mutual friend of ours and her family/friends were starting. The goal was to do a minimum of 10 minutes of exercise every day for 30 days. You got 1 day off, and that was Christmas day. If you missed a day, you had/have to donate $5 to a chairty of your choice. Emails fly every day with all the participants saying whether or not they completed the day and what exercise they did. I went strong for almost 2 weeks and then I missed a day. I think to this day, I am owing about $35, so 7 days missed, I think. Not bad all things considered! That's awesome for me! Some days I would be doing my exercise at 11:30 at night! But I did it! I'm thinking of starting another one with some girls from work for January. Everyone is always gung-ho for exercise and better health at the start of a new year!  

Tuesday December 11th. I weighed in at 243.6lbs. A friggen gain of 1.6lbs! WTF?! OMG! This was my first gain since the start of my journey. And it DID NOT feel good. I tried to tell myself that it was probably my period again (as I had started the day before) but I knew it also had to do with the crappy way I was eating the past week too. It sucked. During this week, I actually went in and saw my Lapband nurse and had some fluid removed from my band. I was getting heartburn every single day, numerous times a day and I knew that wasn't normal. After a discussion with my nurse, we both decided that it would be a good idea to remove some. She took out 0.5mls and although I still get heartburn sometimes, it's definitely not every day like it was and I know it's when I over eat (as one does throughout the holiday season). I weighed in there and was 243lbs on her scale as well. When I told her I had actually put on 1.6lbs over the last week, she reassured me that when it comes to "that time of the month", your weight can fluctuate up to 7lbs with water weight, etc. That made me feel a bit better about the weight gain. Again, she told me I was "kicking at this" and it made me feel really good. My goal is to be one of their success stories and be one of the poeple that gets up and talks at their seminars :) Now THAT would be cool!

On the Saturday of this week, I worked at my dad's work Christmas party. Now, I have some family and friends that work with my dad and they were all there. Some of which haven't seen me in a quite some time. Again, I got tons of compliments and again it did wonders for my ego and made me feel really good. I even had one guy call me hot! Whoa! Me?! Sweeeeet! The confidence in myself and my self esteem is definitely building. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. Honestly. When people are complimenting me, I sometimes really don't know what to say. "Thanks, I'm trying" is usually my response.

Tuesday December 18th. I step on the scale hoping I shed the 1.6lbs I gained the previous week. To my pleasant surpise, the scale reads 237lbs. WTF?! OMG! Pretty much the same reaction I had when I saw the gain the week before. I'm thinking, holy shit, if this is accurate, I lost 6.6lbs this week! I got on the scale 2 more times just to be sure. Annnnd yup! 237lbs was my weight! A loss of 55lbs since August 28th. I was ecstatic. Not only did I lose a HUGE chunk of weight, I have now broken into the 230's! I think I beamed the entire day :)

However, this week also put us much closer to Christmas and so many more chocolates and treats reared their tasty little heads. I told myself that I would indulge but be careful. I didn't want to slide back and gain again. I continued with the 30 day challenge (although like I said, I bailed on a few workouts) and hoped that it would help me maintain my weight or if I were to gain again, it would be minimal. I was preparing myself for a gain with all the food that I would be eating during the holidays.

Christmas eve was spent at my cousin's with my dad's side of the family. There were about 25 of us enjoying Christmas dinner and playing Christmas games, our regular Christmas tradition. I had to leave about 7:30 to go pick up my daughter as she spent the evening with my ex and his side of the family. I got there and decided to go in as I had gifts for my nieces (they will always be my nieces). I knew my ex's girlfriend would be there and I decided to brave it and go in. I really wanted to see the family as this was my first Christmas in 10 years that I wasn't spending with them. I really wanted to wish them all a Merry Christmas and give them all hugs. Plus, I'm not going to lie, I really wanted to go in and show myself off. And boy or boy, nothing but compliments again. I had one person not even recognise me. Now that was sweet :) The whole time I was in there, I was shaking like a leaf, trying not to leap over and punch my "replacement" in the teeth. One of my ex's Aunt's went over and helped me out by chatting her up the whole time I was there so I didn't even have to look at her. I thanked her for that afterward. It really did help me to try and focus on everyone else. My nieces's opened up their gifts and I packed up my daughter and headed back to my family's party. I felt sad, relieved, strong, and confident. Although it was one of the toughest things I've done, I'm glad I went in.

After my family's party in the city, we headed out to the cottage (at 11pm at night) to wake up there on Christmas morning. It was a long day/night but waking up to the peaceful serenity that is the cottage was so worth it. We, and when I say we, it was me, my daughter, my sister, my mom, my dad, and my uncle - who came in from BC that we haven't seen in 20 years. We opened presents in the living room with the wood stove blazing and deer crossing through the yard. It was beautiful. My daughter is finally old enough to really enjoy opening presents and understanding Santa and Christmas traditions. It was so fun watching her open all her gifts. She really helped to take my mind off of the fact that although I was around my family, having a great time, it was my first Christmas without my ex. Towards the evening, I really started to feel the sadness. My sister had already left and I usually talk to her about these feelings. So I texted her, as well as a few other friends that I trust and that I know will help me get through the sadness. My sister was at work and was the first to respond and she always has a way of wording things to make me feel better. And, like a good sister, she did. :)

I have been so full over the last 3 days, more full than I've been in the last 4 months. I defintely took WAY less than I normally would have but clearly still took to much. Again, like I said, I can't wait for the holidays to be over and to get back to some normalcy and get this weight loss kicked into high gear! Vegas is calling and I think I can be very close to my goal of 173lbs by then. That would be awesome.

Christmas day should have began with a weigh in but as I was at the cottage, it did not. So, I will try to remember to weigh myself tomorrow morning. I'm not going to dwell too much on it if I have a gain. I allowed myself to go a little crazy. But, I will get back on track and continue to "kick at this" as my nurse says :)

Oh, I will post more pics soon too! Hope you all had a great Christmas!

Down to 245lbs, 25lbs to my next goal. It's so close.

Well, it's been a couple weeks. Last week Tuesday I weighed in and only lost 1lb. It seems as though that is my pattern. It was my "monthly gift" week and for the last 2 months, I seem to only lose 1lb during that week. Which, I shouldn't really complain. It's still a loss. But when you are used to seeing a 3-4lbs loss on the scale, 1 just seems so small. During that week, I also didn't eat as well. And it's very evident to me. But, I am happy that it tends to only be that one week and I get right back on track, like I have this week. This passed Tuesday I was down 2 more pounds bringing me to a weight of 245lbs. FANTASTIC! I'm so pumped. I use My Fitness Pal to log in my calories and exercise, etc. When I updated my weight to say 245lbs, it told me I had lost 70lbs total. OMG! 70lbs! That's the size of a child, a large child! Keep in mind, that's 70lbs since I was at my heaviest weight of 315lbs, pregnant with my daughter. Which was exactly 3 years ago. Wow. As for loss from when I started this journey, I'm down a total of 47lbs since August 28th.

This current weight also puts me closer to my next goal of 220lbs. The weight I was when I met my ex-husband 10 years ago. I am already feeling so much better about myself physically and emotionally in regards to my weight and I'm finally feeling like I'm in a good place emotionally in regards to my split from my ex. I truly feel that once I hit that 220lb mark, I will really feel like I can start over. Like those passed 10 years of being unhappy with myself and my body can be wiped away. I'm only 25lbs away. So close it's ridiculous.

A couple of things I've noticed about myself over the last few weeks that I want to document. They are such little victories but victories that help me realize how far I've come. I may have mentioned this one before, but I am now able to sit cross legged. Which I was not able to do at my heaviest. I am also able to sit cross legged without having to lean against a wall for support. Which I had to do when I started losing weight after I had my daughter. And finally, I can now sit cross legged without my legs immediately falling asleep. I love it.

Next, is something that I think a lot of people take for granted, and that's the ability to clip your toenails. haha. Sounds so simple. Yet when you have a huge belly in your way, it becomes incredibly difficult. Don't get me wrong, I still have the belly, but it's not nearly as big anymore and I can actually clip my toenails without struggling.

I've also noticed that I don't sweat nearly as much anymore doing the simpliest things. I've always been a sweater, so is my dad, it's in my genes. But, I'd always use it as an excuse. So what if I sweat walking up the stairs or playing with my daughter or my dogs, or doing dishes, or cooking or folding laundry, I'm a sweater, it's just me. But, over these last few weeks, I've really noticed how little I sweat now (little for me is probably still a lot for "normal" people! haha) and it's so much nicer. I used to avoid wearing my glasses because they would fog up all the time when I sweat. Well, I got new glasses and I can show them off a lot more now because I don't sweat nearly as much!

We have some chairs at the cottage that my butt did not fit into in the summer. It would actually hurt for me to sit in them because the metal arm rest would push on my hips. Well, I went to the cottage this passed weekend and voila! I fit in the chair without a problem! It felt awesome not having the bruises from the chair!

I work in a lab so I am always wearing gloves. I never thought you could lose weight in your hands...but you can! I am now a small size glove! WHAT?! Yup! The mediums are too loose and I've had to switch! I also lost weight in my feet. I can tell because the dressy shoes I wore last year, that would cut off the circulation in my feet and my feet would ache for days after, fit perfectly now. I can dance in them for hours and my feet don't hurt at all. :)

At bootcamp yesterday morning, my instructor asked me to try doing my walking lunges as low as possible. To try and get my knee as close to the ground as possible. I could barely even bend my legs before and yesterday, my knee literally tapped the ground with each lunge. It felt awesome. It was friggen hard as heck, but I did it. And I'm paying for it today :)

My parents are taking my sister and I to Vegas at the end of May next year. I am so excited for this I have no words. My girlfriend gave me a bunch of clothes that she no longer wanted, size XL. I'm so pumped and motivated to fit into these clothes for this trip. I have 6 months, I know I will get there.

I've been looking at myself  in the mirror a lot. I know a lot of people have a hard time when they lose weight not seeing the fat person they were all the time. I still see the fat person, but I'm not completely disgusted with my reflection anymore. I can see that the fat person is getting smaller, getting happier, and feeling so much better about herself. And it feels great.

OMG!! I FINALLY DID IT!!! (9 weeks post surgery)

OMG, I finally did it. I reached my first big milestone. This passed Tuesday, I weighed in at 248lbs! I broke into the 240's! I'm now in the first half of the 200's!! Never to see 250 on the scale AGAIN! I'm so pumped it's ridiculous. Like I said in my last post, I do nothing but smile. I'm so excited about this. 248lbs.....248lbs.......ridiculous. 

Here are some updated pics....2 weeks before surgery, 4 weeks, and 9 weeks post surgery.




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the final batch, where I can see the most difference.....I need a new bra! haha!

 

 

 

 

Anyway, I'll stop gloating now :) This week has been going really good. The pain and "stuck" feeling of the food going down has slowed down a lot. I'm way more conscious of how much I'm eating and how fast. I still have some heartburn and not sure why. It's also slowed down significantly, but it's still there. I'm not too worried anymore though. As for eating, I've gotten back on track. Trying to eat protein with every meal and eating it first, trying to have veggies with every meal and eating it second, and saving the carb for last. I'm eating off smaller plates and that little trick actually does work. Because the little plate looks so full, you don't feel like your eating such a small amount. I am having a mad craving for pop though. I really miss the bubbles. Never thought THAT would be the thing I miss the most. I haven't had a pop in 11 weeks. I was a 1 pop a day gal, minimum. They were the Coke Zero's or Pepsi Max drinks, never full calorie, but still. I miss it. I'm worried that if I give in and have a little taste, that it will make me want/crave more. And I can't do that. Not only is pop bad for you regardless of whether it's diet or not, the bubbles aren't good for the band. I have to keep telling myself that. I know a little bit here and there won't hurt, but I'm thinking it will turn into an every day love affair again and I can't risk the health of the band for that.....it's really hard.

I got in a really good workout on Tuesday morning at bootcamp. My quads are so incredibly painful that it hurts to go down stairs, sit on the toilet, and even touch them! haha! I haven't felt this sore since I first started bootcamp almost 2 years ago! But, in my defence, I did 102 weighted walking lunges, 36 squats and 40 Mountain climbers. My legs were toast! It sucked being away for so long!

I've really wanted to start doing cardio on my non bootcamp days. So tonight, my sister and I worked out for about 45 minutes. She did the eliptical and some weights and I walked/jogged on the treadmill. (Yes. I said jog. WTF?! HAHA) I would walk for a few minutes, than jog for a minute and a half, than walk, than jog. I jogged for a total of 10 minutes in that 35 minute session. It was awesome. Then we finished it off with an ab set. I thought that would loosen up the legs and make them less stiff....WRONG! haha! They are soooo stiff. But I LOVE IT!

Anyway, that's it for today. Big big milestone achieved and I am so happy. I can't wait to get to my next goal (220lbs). It doesn't seem so far away now :) Only 28 more lbs to go!



 

Wow! Already 8 weeks post surgery!

Well, here I am. 8 weeks and 2 days post surgery. I have to say, I'm feeling pretty damn fantastic :) I have been getting more and more compliments these days. Actually, just a few days ago, I had 4 different people tell me how much they can see the weight loss in my face. All I can do is say thank you and smile. Deep down I want to jump up and down and hug each one of em! I seriously makes me beam with excitement.

I had my first fill back on the 26th of October. That was an interesting experience. My nurse and I chatted for about 20 minutes about how things have been going for me, how I've been eating, etc. And things were/are going great. Haven't had many instances where I felt like choking/vomittin, haven't had any heartburn, etc. I was down to 257.6lbs according to my scale that previous Tuesday and when I got on her scale, it said the exact same thing. So, I was officially down 34.4lbs that week. Awesome! Terri said I was "kicking this!" That felt fantastic! haha! So, based on what I was telling her and how I was feeling, Terri was convinced that I already had a good 2-3mls in my band so she decided to only add 1 more ml. I laid on the bed, and she asked if I wanted a little numbing cream. Nah I said, it's just a little poke. So, I laid there while she felt around my largest incision to find the access port. I had to elevate my head slightly to flex my muscle to pop it up. And voila! There it was. She commented to me twice that I had really good muscle (that made me feel awesome!). So, she placed her fingers on my skin, at either edge of the port and put the needle in. That was actually no problem, felt like any other needle you might get when you need to give blood. But then, she had to make sure she was in so she had to fish around for a little bit. Sounds worse than it actually was. She talked to me the whole time and told me everything she was doing. Then, she was in the right spot and she injected the 1ml. No problem. But then, she withdraws on the plunger of the syringe to see how much fluid total was now in the band. As she was pulling back, that was the weirdest feeling ever. I could almost feel my stomach relaxing. So weird. When she got all the fluid into the syringe, it confirmed what she had thought. I already had 3mls in there, now with this additional ml, I now have 4mls in my band. Then she had to remove the needle. That by far was the most uncomfortable part of the whole process. It hurt. Quite a bit. But then it was done. I held some gauze on the little wee hole and sat up. No problem. We went back to the office and she showed me the model of the band and the port and she actually let me pretend to inject into it. It is much harder than that of say an IV port on IV fluids. No wonder it hurt coming out. You have to use a lot of force! I was to stay on liquids for the next 12 hours, than slowly work my way back to solids over the next 48 hours.

Since my appointment was at 4:30pm that night, I got home and didn't need to eat anything. I drank some water throughout the evening but that was it. Then, Saturday rolled around and I was out and about all day, barely had time to eat anyway. I think I had something small, that was a solid food, and it seemed to go down fine. Woo hoo! Success! That evening, I went to a Halloween social and drank vodka and light cranberry juice and water. It was very very tasty, and I got a little drunk. Ok, a lot drunk. haha. But I had a fantastic time dancing the night away. I really felt good about myself that night, I felt I looked really good in my costume too. The next day when all the pictures came out, I got nothing but compliments on how good I looked. I felt good, really really good.

By the Sunday I was back to solids but I was (and still) having a hard time remembering to take small bites and chew, chew, chew my food. Over the next week and a half until today, I have had numerous episodes where I've taken on too big a piece of food and haven't chewed it well enough and it has gotten stuck. Not a cool feeling. I'm still working on it. I've also had quite a bit of heartburn over the last week and a half. I think it's from ingesting too much food. You wouldn't think an extra ml of fluid would have such a big impact, but it sure does! So, I'm reminded often to slow down, take small bites, chew my food to mush, and eat small amounts. I'm going to give it another 2 weeks to see if I can get used to it. If I can't, and I'm still struggling, I might have to ask to take some of it out. I don't want to do that, but I may have to if I can't get a hold of this. The perfect band fluid amount should cause no pain, pressure or discomfort when eating. And I sometimes have all 3 of these. So, I need to work on it. Is it just me, or is it too much? I have to figure this out.

As for weight loss, last week, October 30th, I weighed in at 252.6! That was a loss of 5lbs from the week before! Woo hoo! Wholy crap!

This week, however was a bit of a different story, I weighed in on November 6th with a weight of 251.8, a loss of only 0.8lbs. But, it's still a loss! I am now officially down 40.2lbs in the last 10 weeks!

I know last week I wasn't doing good. I wasn't eating appropriately (ie: protein with every meal, protein first, etc). So, I've smartened up and am hoping to have a good number on that scale this coming Tuesday. I can't wait to be in the 240's! That was one of my first goals. To be under 250, in the bottom half of the 200's! So pumped! I got on the scale this morning, cheatin because weigh in day isn't until Tuesday, and the scale said 249.6. OMG! I may make it there with this week's weigh in!


Oh, more news! I started bootcamp this passed Tuesday (finally! I was so sick the week before and couldn't start when I wanted too.). I can definitely tell I've been away from it for a while, but the next day, I loved that feeling of sore muscles! I can't wait to go again. However, it won't be this week (bootcamp is Tuesdays and Fridays). I got 2 new tattoos on Tuesday! Woo hoo! So, it is recommended to stay away from working out for at least 1 week. So, back at er on Tuesday!

My tattoos rock! I got my daughter's name on my forearm "Rylee" and my sister and I got matching script saying "Always my Sister, Forever my Friend". Mine on my foot, and hers on her forearm. They are awesome. The foot hurt like nobody's business!

These days I've been feeling really good about myself and I seem to be more confident and happy. And I like it :) I like it a lot.

6 weeks Post Surgery

Whoa, whoa, whoa!! So I missed last week....got a little busy! Whoops! Definitely time for an update! Let's start with this. I'm down a total of  34.4lbs in these last 8 weeks. That's an average of 4.3lbs a week!! I did the math, and if I continue on this streak, I will be 219 by Christmas!! OMG! That is my first really big goal, 220lbs. It's the weight I was when I met my husband (ex) 10 years ago. I'm super pumped. My clothes are getting so loose and baggy. I actually bought a hoody sweater this past week, and it was a LARGE! I have not fit into a large anything in years! It's a very generous mens fit, but still, a LARGE! I did a little happy dance in the store. It was an incredible feeling. I definitely have to do some shopping!! I don't want to spend too much cash though as my size is going to continue to go down, but I don't want to look frumpy either. So, a shopping trip is definitely in order. I'm goin to try to hit up some thrift stores and see if I can save a buck or two.

My sister and I also went out shopping for Halloween costumes last week. I tried on a couple plus size costumes, which, as many people know, are not really true plus sizes. Apparently, a 2X is a size 14-18 (yah right!) and a 3X is an 18-20 (yah right again!). However, I am proud to say, that I fit the 3X (size 18-20)! I am heading out to a Halloween social dressed as a "sexy wolf".  First time in my life I'm heading out as a sexy anything! haha! I feel great in the costume, and it fits perfectly. Have a look!

My sister is going as Little Red Riding Hood so we are a theme. It's hard to see, but I have ears on the hood and a tail and fluffy cuffs. It's gonna be so fun! Another fun note, I bought some tights to wear with this costume as you can see. (I feel good, but not good enough to go bare legged yet! haha!) I went to walmart and actually fit into their brand of workout gear. I have never been able to fit their gear! These tights fit perfectly, like they are supposed too! Again, super pumped!

As for my recovery from surgery, I have to say I am 90% healed. I've played volleyball for the last 2 Sunday's and felt fantastic! After the first game, I was very sore, especially my abs, but they recovered pretty quick. It felt great to be back on the court. The next session of bootcamp at my work starts next week and I'm so excited to get back into that too. Can't wait to firm up!

This past weekend, I have to say I did feel like a bottomless pit in regards to eating. Saturday evening was a night filled with not so good for you food like pizza (first time having real pizza in at least 2 months), kolbassa, cheese, pickles, spring rolls, steak kabobs, and nachos. Over the course of about 7 hours, I ate 2 slices of pizza, at least 8-10 pieces of kolbassa, cheese, and pickles, probably about 5 spring rolls, a steak kabob, and a hunk of nachos. All in all I guess it wasn't all that much food for the 7 hours, but it was not "healthy" food by any means. I didn't feel like I had a signal to tell me I was full. And I didn't like that. But, Sunday night, I realized why I felt that way. I began my monthly gift (whoopie!). I spoke to someone else who had this surgery and they said they feel the same way around the same time each month. Fantastic. Thank goodness it was short lived! By Monday, I was back to normal. Well, my new normal :) 

This Friday I get my first fill. So this hunger I've been feeling over the last few weeks should subside. It's still very much a mental game. Having to use your brains to choose good food over bad food. The advantage I have now though, is that I can't physically eat as much food, even if I do choose the bad food. So far things have been going good (other than this weekend) and I can see the progress on the scale. Every time I get on the scale, I smile. I must admit, after this weekend, I was prepared for no loss on the scale. But, I stepped on with my eyes closed, and when I opened them, I was still down 2 lbs. So excited.

My therapist and I "broke up" this passed Friday. We talked about my progress in regards to my weight and how good I've been feeling about me. We also talked about my issues in regards to my ex. I've been doing fantastic in all aspects. Right now, my focus is on trying to forgive. Sometimes I feel like I'm there, but yet I still have those days where I want to punch him. haha. It will still take some time, but I must admit, I've been feeling really good about things. I realized that this passed weekend was the first weekend I didn't think about him or his girlfriend, and I had a great weekend because of it :)

All in all, these last 2 weeks have seen some great progress in all aspects. I think I am becoming a happier person as each day passes. Back to the Happy Go Lucky person that I've always been. I am now looking forward to my future with excitement and not sadness. I can't wait to see what happens :)

My mistake....

As my sister pointed out, I actually went skydiving in 2003!! Thats 9 years ago that I remember being 260lbs! Wow! I don't even ever remember being 250, 240....I've erased those weights from my memory. Now, I can't wait to reach them again! Total weight lost so far, 28.6lbs.

4 Weeks Post Surgery

Time for an update! It's been 4 weeks since my surgery and I'm feeling really good! My shoulder pain is virtually gone (I probably get it once every couple of days) and I'm so excited about that! It was  such a horrible feeling! Work has been great and accomodating to all my needs, which has been fantastic. In 5 days I will be back on the volleyball court and I am so excited! I love volleyball and can't wait to be able to play again! I also cannot wait for the next session of bootcamp at my work. I want to start working out again and try to prevent as much flab as possible. I know I will have some, but if I can control even a small part of it, I'm in! And, now that I'm in the 4th week post op, I can start anytime!

I've moved myself on to regular foods for the most part. So far I haven't really had any negative effects. Although I did eat 2 strawberries, and I guess I didn't chew them well enough because I did almost throw them up. I had to really concentrate on not doing so. They did eventually go down, but it wasn't fun. Just a little friendly reminder to chew, chew, chew!

I went out a few times this past weekend. I enjoyed some alcohlic beverages as well as some food. All in all, I think I did well. Tried to pick lower cal, low carb options. Had a great time and really didn't miss the greasy food! That was huge for me. I still really need to research food items for when I go out to be sure I am eating what's best, instead of trying to figure it out on a whim. I also had to deal with Thanksgiving dinner. I filled my plate with a little bit of everything and when I mean a little bit, it was a small teaspoon to a tablespoon full. I ate super slow and chewed everything into mush. It all went down ok, but I did over do it as I felt nauseous afterward. No throwin up though, thank goodness. Now I have 2 months til I have to deal with Christmas dinner! haha!

My stress level with my marriage has come down quite a few notches, at times. I'm still hurt, jealous, and angry (usually when I have to see him) but I get over it a lot faster. I feel like I am taking 2 steps forward, then 1 step back. But at least I'm moving forward. I'm actually really happy that I got this surgery when I did cuz I'm pretty sure I would have gained 50 more lbs because of the stress!

I stepped on the scale this morning with some fantastic results. Down another 2 lbs this week, I am now weighing in at 263.4lbs! I honestly don't even remember the last time I was lower than 265lbs. I know my sister and I went skydiving in 2005 and I was 260lbs (I remember it specifically because you needed to be 250lbs, I lied cuz I was super embarassed and really wanted to go! What a time to lie!) I am excited every time I step on the scale to see what weight I will NEVER be at again. And this week, it's 263lbs. :)

I'm attaching some pictures to show my progress so far. SO EXCITING!   

6 wks ago

Today

 

21 Days Post Surgery

Hello all!!!

Well, here I am, 21 days post surgery. I am feeling pretty good actually! I only have the shoulder pain maybe once per day now which is definitely tolerable! The scars on my belly are minimal. I still have some swelling but it has gone down significantly. I will take some more pics in the next few days and post them. Being back at work, I definitely feel it. On the super busy days (which there have been a few), I can really feel it in my abs. But I just rest and its all good again.

I weighed in this morning and the scale read 265.4lbs! That is a total loss of 26.6lbs in the last 5 weeks! 14.6 of which was lost in these last 3 weeks. I am beyond pleased with my progress and look forward to more and more weight dropping off. Every time I step on the scale, there is a huge smile on my face and I feel great! It's such a motivator! I went out Saturday night and got all "prettied" up and my friggen tight shoes from last year fit fantastically! I texted my sister right away to tell her and she laughed at me! But it was so exciting! haha! I felt really good about myself that night. And loved having the night out. I am already making plans to head out and party it up this Friday night! Can't wait!

I started to get hungry over these last handful of days. I am staying with the plan though and trying to eat my protein first, then veggies, then carbs when I can. I can only eat about 1.5oz of meat and a half cup to a cup of veggies at one time. It's truly amazing to me that I eat such a little amount of food and I am full. It's really awesome actually. I have moved myself onto the smooth foods phase which includes meats, toast, eggs, etc. So far so good. I haven't had any negative reactions to anything I've eaten. I've made a concious effort to be sure to chew my food to mush and wait a good 30 sec to a minute between forkfuls. I am super dedicated as I want nothing but good results. So far so good :)

I've had another bad couple of days emotionally but I've managed to stay away from Binge eating. Yesterday I went out with some of my old high school buddies. We weren't together for very long, but I had a great time just getting out and chatting with them. I'm super busy this week too seeing a bunch of people I haven't seen in a long time so I'm making sure to keep myself busy. I honestly can't wait to be fully healed to be able to get on that volleyball court. As I discovered earlier, chatting with friends, laughing and playing sports is what keeps me happy and helps me through stressful times, so I cannot wait to get out there. I am so pumped for this season. Brand new team and a brand new me.

14 Days Post Surgery

Woo Hoo! I am 14 days post surgery and other than the shoulder pain, I'm feeling pretty good. I started back at work yesterday and I can feel it in my abs (and my legs for that matter!) as I did more walking around yesterday than I have in the last 2 weeks! But, I'm doing ok. I'm making sure to take rests during the day to give myself a break. I'm hoping being back at work will help with the pain as the Nurse mentioned to me that walking might ease it up a bit. I hope so. It's getting really annoying already!

I weighed myself this morning and was very pleased with what the scale said :) It read 269lbs!! Woo hoo again!! That's a total of 23lbs gone since the start of the pre-op diet 4 weeks ago today! I was pumped! I had had a rough night, both with the pain in my shoulder and thinking about my ex, I barely got any sleep. Seeing that loss on the scale changed my attitude immediately!

I also had my 2 week post op appointment today. I love, love love my Nurse Terri. She is absolutely awesome. Back when I went to the information seminar about lap band in April or May, she was one of the speakers. I immediately felt a connection with her and couldn't wait for her to be my Lapband nurse. She seemed so down to earth, tell it like it is, no nonsense kinda women that only wants to help you, and see you succeed and change your life. And I got that same feeling today when I spoke with her one on one during my 1 hour appointment. We chatted about food choices, exercise, and the band itself. She re-iterated the fact that the band is just a tool and that I am the one that has to make it work. It will be me that changes my lifestyle and makes the right choices to succeed. She asked if I had been weighing myself, I said yes and when I told her my weight loss so far, her face lit up! It made me so excited to see her so happy for me. She again told me that some people struggle with this time period and can gain weight during these first 6 weeks and to not get discouraged if this happens to me. She asked if I wanted to get on their scale. I said sure! I was a little worried as it was already mid-day and usually I am up in weight at that time. She also warned me that her scale is usually 2lbs heavier than most scales so she would account for that. Well, I get on her scale, and it actually read 267!!! WHOLY CRAP! That was 2 lbs LIGHTER than I was in the morning!!! I was beaming! That's a total of 25lbs lost!!! That was all the weight I gained during this passed year dealing with the stress of my breakup. Terri was super stoked too! I did a little cheer and Terri asked for a hug! She told me she loved me and my positive attitude! We hugged it out and I got super emotional and actually cried. I apologized and told her I didn't know why I was crying. She said it was ok and that's why she does this job. Not for the money, but to help people and see people change their lives. We chatted a bit more and she gave me so much praise and told me to keep up the good work. I left there feeling ridiculously good about myself and my accomplishment so far. It doesn't seem like I did much, cuz I wasn't even really hungry. But I've had to change my lifestyle so much already, and I did it. I've also done a lot of self realization as to when and why I eat. I discovered a lot of this during low times, but that's what I needed. I needed to deal with all these things now to help me cope in other ways, other than raiding the fridge. And now, I'm so totally focused on eating using all the guidelines.

I'm finally gonna do it. I'm really gonna do it. And I'm so excited. :)

Post Surgery, Day 9

Well, I'm feeling pretty good these days. I did not anticipate that the most painful part of this surgery was going to be shoulder pain from gas! My stomach is still sore and stiff but not too bad now. I do have some mild back pain too but that could be from lounging around for a week! All in all, I think I'm recovering well. I spoke to the Nurse at Maples in regards to the shoulder pain and not only is it completely normal, it can last up to a month! Oh man! I really hope it doesn't last that long! The intensity of the pain is still there but the frequency is getting less and less, which is fantastic! I can't wait to not have it anymore. I'm still taking the T3s, but its down to only about twice a day. I took the rest of this week off work to be able to fully recover before going back. I'm sure I will be good to go by Monday. I've attached a picture of my bruising and scars. I have some pretty significant swelling around them but it seems to be going down a little each day.

Now, on to the eating. I really haven't been hungry since the surgery. This past weekend was a little tough as I prepared ALL the food for my sister's big 30th bash. All the stuff I would want to see and eat at a party: Hotdogs, hamburgers, chili cheese dip, taco dip, crab dip, corn chip salad, kolbassa, cheese, pickles, crackers, chips and dip.......everything that is oh so bad for you.....but oh so good. Also, instead of cake, we got Pumpkin pie (thank goodness it's basically pureed pumpkin cuz you better believe I had 2 pieces of that!).

At first, things were fine. I prepared all the food Friday with no thought of even having any of it. Then, as the night went on, I couldn't stop looking at it and everyone else enjoying it. I had to try some. Not cuz I was hungry, cuz I really wasn't, just cuz it was there. Up until this point, I had only eaten apple sauce, yogurt, and boost. So, first thing I tried was the pumpkin pie. I figured it is basically pureed pumpkin and I didn't eat the crust. It tasted super yummy and went down so easily. I followed all the guidelines and ate it in real small portions and ate it super slow. Success! It stayed down without a problem. So, a couple hours later, I pushed it and tried a spoonful of chili cheese dip. That also stayed down without problem. That was all I ate that night and I felt good that it all stayed down.

Then came Saturday night. There was more people, and a little bit more food, and I over did it and tried a lot. I made sure to chew everything up real good to make sure it would go down. But I tried a spoonful of each of the chili cheese dip, the taco dip, the crab dip, some cheese pieces and had another piece of pie. I again ate it all real slow and chewed to make it mush. It tasted good going in for sure! But I felt guilty afterward. I thought, hmmm...this isn't how I'm supposed to be eating. Especially right now, post surgery. I originally thought that the eating guidelines were there and you were to move on at your own pace. Well, I just skipped 2 of the 3 steps. That's probably not good. When I got home, I was able to access the Lap Band Connect Website (a website only accessible to "Banders") and I read a bit more about why you go through the stages. They are to let the band heal in the right place and re-introduce foods to your body without complication. I also had a ton of shoulder pain Monday morning and thought that was my warning to STOP IT! I know it probably had nothing to do with it, or maybe it did, but it made me say, Ok Shannon, stop being dumb. You have to remember that you are changing the way you eat forever. That is the old you. Eating when you don't need too, when your not hungry, just because it's there. I will be tempted with parties and such all the time and will need to be able to handle myself better and choose things more appropriately. Not saying I can never have those foods again, but maybe I won't want them, or will be able to make better choices. I laid a guilt trip onto myself and was mad at myself. Sure, I didn't over eat by any means, but I shouldn't have eaten those foods. My body needs to heal properly in order for this to work. So, I told myself I was getting back onto the "prescribed" diet.

So, here I am, day 9 post surgery, still on pureed type foods: soups, yogurts, apple sauce, and I tried mashed potatoes yesterday. I got more information on the website and they actually have meal plans for this stage. I'm slowly going to introduce more foods and start on the next stage, but I'm doing so slowly. I'm following the guidelines of roughly 0.5c of liquid per meal and can move up to 1c per meal. Again, I'm not even all that hungry to be honest. Sometimes I'm just eating cuz I know I have to in order to keep myself hydrated. I'm trying to drink lots of fluids for this reason too. I also found on the website that I shouldn't be using a straw to drink as it causes more gas! HELLO!! That's ALL I've been using!! A water bottle with a straw! No wonder I still have so much gas! Geez! All these things I'm finding out. I spent 2 hours exploring the website and reading up on different recipes (some of which I can't wait to try!), information and reading other people's stories. It really helped to get me back on track. :)

I weighed myself yesterday morning, 8 days post surgery, and I'm down to 276.4lbs. A total loss of 16lbs from the start of the Boost diet. I was super happy about that! I'm sure as I introduce more and more foods back into my diet, I will go up a bit (which I was warned about) but I'm happy with the progress so far.

That's it for now. Another party at the cabin this weekend. Wish me luck!

Day 2 of recovery is coming to an end, and Happy 30th Birthday to my sister!

Well, it's been 2.5 days since the surgery and so far so good. I have had a couple episodes of nausea but haven't thrown up yet. Which I'm excited about. To be completely honest, I'm not even hungry. However, I have gotten a little faint here and there so I've been trying to drink lots of water and have tried a few foods. My post op instructions say to stay hydrated and aim for 2-3L of fluid per day. So far, I have eaten a total of 2 individual low fat yogurts, 1 chocolate boost, 1 individual applesauce, and about 2 cups of chicken broth. I have to say though, the most pain I have is from the gas trying to work its way out of my body. I finally started releasing gas yesterday but it's still not enough. I have an excrutiating stabbing pain in my left shoulder that comes randomly throughout the day and night. I had a rough sleep again last night because of it. The T3's I'm taking help a little, but not much. It is seriously more uncomfortable than my stomach pain. I mean, the stomach is stiff and painful, but the shoulder is really bad. I can't wait for that to go away so I can concentrate on my stomach recovery.

I spent today with my sister and my mom as it was my sister's 30th birthday today. Mom took her for sushi, which I watched them eat and I drank water. The gas bubbles were so intense all day, causing the pain in my shoulder to be pretty bad. I took some T3s and became quite nauseated. We got home and I had to lay down for a bit wasting a good portion of the evening. Mom and I got stuff organized and we are just about ready to head to the cottage. My sister is having her birthday bash there this weekend. I won't be able to drink, but I'm going to watch every one else get drunk and act stupid! haha!

I probably won't post till after the weekend. Hopefully the shoulder pain goes away. Oh, and I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 281.6lbs. I was told that during this 6 week recovery, I have to be prepared as I may not lose and may even gain weight. I must say, when I saw 284lbs on the scale yesterday morning, I was distraught. I thought I was prepared, but I so was not. Then getting on this morning and seeing the loss made me happy!

Talk soon!

Twas the day after surgery....



Changed and ready to go!



So, yesterday was the surgery. The day my life will be forever changed. I weighed myself first thing in the morning, and I was down to 279.8lbs. A loss of 12 lbs from the day I started the pre-op diet 2 weeks ago. We (mom and me) got to the clinic at 7:30am, filled out some paperwork, and I changed into my gown. I got a little emotional but was super stoked! The doctor, then the anesthetist, then the nurse came in to see me and chat about what was about to take place. I said goodbye to mom around 8:10am and walked with the nurse to the surgery suite.

The walk over was so surreal. I mean, being an Animal Health Technologist, I've been around my fair share of surgical suites, but to know that it's me that is the patient was a little overwhelming. I looked around to take it all in. The suite was huge and so clean. The surgery table was smack in the middle, like something out of a movie. My name was up on their board with my stats, etc. I was all smiles when I got in there. I laid on the table and the anesthetist put in my IV (best IV placer EVER!) while the nurse hooked me up to the EKG, pulse ox, and heart rate monitor. Within 10-15 minutes of being in there, I was asleep. The last thing I remember was the anesthetist telling me he was going to be giving me some meds to help me go under and the nurse putting the oxygen over my face telling me to take a few really deep breathes. I remember taking 3 and I was out.

I woke up in recovery in not too much pain actually. My stomach felt like I had done a million situps, but the most painful part of me was my neck/shoulder (and its still the most painful today!). The nurse told me that it was common due to the gas they use to blow up the stomach with during surgery. As it is more my neck today, I'm thinking it was due to my neck being cranked in one position for the length of the surgery. It was about 10:30am when I was waking up and the nurse asked my pain level. Out of a 10, 10 being the most pain, I was sitting at a 3-4. She gave me 2 Oxycontins and I hung out there, slowly waking up. Around 11, she moved me to a chair so I could sit upright and my mom was going to be there at noon. I passed out in the chair for a bit and woke up to mom and Rylee (my almost 3 year old daughter) coming in to see me.

I was so happy to see Rylee in that moment. Over the last few months of getting things in order with my separation, I have had some aweful feelings that things would have been so much easier without her. That I wouldn't have to see my ex every week for the exchange of custody, etc. That we could have called it quits and went our separate ways. I hated that I felt that way because I love her, but things could have been so much easier. But, in that moment, when I woke up to see her big smiling face, I knew that she was meant to be here. In that short little moment, I knew that although I will have to see my ex every week, it is all worth it for her. I'm so not the type to think that way (all cheesey-like about my kid), but in that brief moment, I did. And it made me feel so much better :)


A little blurry, but I have 5 incisions.



I got home about 12:20pm. Able to walk, slowly, but able to. My phone was lit up with messages galore wishing me well and asking me how things went. That was overwhelming too. So many people caring about me. I spent the next hour or 2 responding, sitting on the chair in the living room. Rylee was given strict instructions that she couldn't jump on mom and had to be gentle. She was an angel. So gentle when I asked for a kiss. I was super tired so I went for a snooze in mom's bed. I was taking small sips of water, but if I walked right after I took a sip, I got super nauseaous. I gagged once and that hurt! Mom brought me a barf bag just in case, but as long as I was sitting or laying after I took a sip of water, I was ok. My throat was really sore from being intubated so I needed to take many, many sips of water as I was so pastey.



I'd wake up every so often, turn my head and fall right back to sleep. I hate sleeping on my back! Haha! Rylee came in once to sit with me but was promptly taken away so as not to hurt me. She went for a nap shortly after too. I woke up around 4 I think, still tired but not passing out tired. I kept sipping my water and was doing ok with it now, no more nausea. By 5:30, my ex was here to get Rylee, a day earlier then usual to allow me to not have to take care of her while I was healing. I must admit, he has been super good when it comes to her and being pretty accomodating when I ask him for favors. Which is nice. Not too many ex's are like that. Anyway, she left and I spent the rest of the evening on the phone, facebook, and reading magazines. I finally took some T3s around 7pm, crushed in some applejuice. Yuck! Haha! I tried to go for another nap but spent most of that time reading. My neck/shoulder was killing me and my post op instructions said that laying down would help. It did a bit.

My sister showed up and we chatted until she had to leave for work at 10pm. I didn't go to bed till after midnight but had a heck of a time doing so. Again, my stomach was sore, but that wasn't keeping me from sleeping. It was my neck. It was the most uncomfortable thing. I took 2 more T3s crushed in apple juice (yuck again) but that wasn't helping the neck issue. My chest/ribs were also sore, I felt like I had been coughing for days which made it a little hard to breathe on my side. But I couldn't sleep on my back because that's when my neck hurt the most. And of course, I couldn't sleep on my stomach. Finally, I managed to get comfy sleeping on my side, using a pillow under my chest area, and 2 pillows under my head. Awkward, but it was the least uncomfortable. I woke up at 7am and have been up ever since and decided to try this blog thing again.

Here's to another day of recovery! Let's see what the day brings. I still have to stay on liquid type foods (basically anything that can fit through a straw) but it doesn't have to be clear liquids. We shall see how it goes! I will keep you posted!

Twas the night before surgery.....

Well, it's the night before my surgery. I got nothing but well wishes today at work which was nice.  But really, is anyone gonna say anything bad? No! Haha. Some people did make the extra effort to find me in the lab to wish me luck before they left for the day which was really nice. I do have some of the best, most understanding and supportive co-workers and bosses anyone could ask for. And I'm not just saying that cuz some of them will read this! ;) Haha!

Anyway, someone at work today suggested I post a blog about my journey. I was a little hesitant at first, but thought, meh. Why not?! I started a journal when I started the pre-op diet so I will copy and paste that into here to really start from the beginning. Please bare with me as I've never blogged before.

So, here goes, let's start at the beginning. I have been overweight most of my life. Never really obese, just had a few extra pounds. I went on my first diet when I was 13yrs old. My mom and I went on Richard Simmons deal a meal.  Can't remember if I lost any weight, but that was the start of my dieting journey. I was very active and played almost every sport offered during high school and I was good. Real good, winning Athelete of the Year in grades 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12 plus other various MVP awards. Although I was always active, playing everything under the sun, I was always the biggest one on the team and it was always very evident to me. I weighed 173lbs all 4 years of high school (I got down to 166lbs when I graduated). My volleyball coach said to me once "you know Shannon, if you could just lose 10lbs you could jump so much higher". 10lbs hey? Well, here I am, 110lbs heavier than what I was that day.

I started putting on weight when I was in college. Going from sport after sport all year round to nothing but studying and eating greasy foods will do that. I graduated from college in 2001 and I think I weighed 185lbs, losing some within that first year of being an Animal Health Technologist and getting back down to 167lbs. Then the start of my uphill battle begun. I started living on my own, but was really lonely and depressed. The weight started to pack on. By June of 2002 I was at 220lbs. My highest weight at the time. And then I met my future husband to be. We had a great relationship at the beginning, and well, for the first 5 years of our relationship. He proposed, we got married, and things fell apart for the remaining 5. During our 10 year relationship, I packed on the pounds. I sit here today, 5 1/2 months into our separation, weighing 282lbs. And that wasn't even my highest weight. When I got pregnant with our daughter in 2009, I weighed 300lbs. Gained 15lbs with the pregnancy for a whopping highest weight of 315lbs. This wasn't the reason for our marriage crumbling, but I know it didnt help!

Last year, I lost 46lbs with the help of bootcamp and weight watchers. The issues surrounding my marriage and it coming to an end, helped me put back on 22 of the 46lbs I lost.

During our relationship I thought of lap band surgery often. I brought it up once and my husband said if it was something I wanted to do, that I should do it. Problem is, we were never in a financial position to afford another loan, until now. This separation has given me the opportunity to "afford" to do it. My parents are awesome and are super supportive and are allowing me (and my daughter) to live at their place rent free so I can pay down the loan before going to get my own place. And now, here I sit, at 11pm the night before surgery, so excited for my "new " life :) 

It's been a few days......

Well, quite a few days have passed. Lotsa news. Well, one real big event. Came home from the cottage on Monday (left Rylee there with mom and dad) and found out that my ex has a girlfriend. I was devastated. I mean I know he has every right to date....I just didnt expect it to be so soon. I wanted it first. It also hurt me that it was with someone that I thought he was trying to get with already, that he denied. Just made me realize how long he was actually outta love with me for :(

Monday night was really, really tough. I thought of the fridge and food quite often. I was texting and emailing and phoning everyone I could think of that would support me and keep me from the fridge. I did realize that I wasn't actually hungry that I was just thinking about it cuz thats how I normally cope with stress...but not being able to do that made me deal with the emotions right there. It sucked.

Tuesday at work also sucked. I was a zombie. From not sleeping cuz of thinking of him and his new girlfriend (seriously, who gets into a relationship with someone so fresh out of a separation?). By Tuesday evening though, I  came to the realization that he is not the same man I married at all. Not the same man I fell in love with and he didn't love me for a long long time. So now, he is just Rylee's dad.

Going thru this though during my boost diet was so tough. So so tough. But I did it. Yesterday I was asked to play ball and spare on a team. I jumped at the opportunity and had a fantastic time. It's just what I needed to get outta the slump of thinking of my ex. Playing sports and laughing! It's who I am! So I've now realized a way to cope with my stress that really does help....sports and the comfort of friends and family (we discovered this in therapy today). No more eating my feelings away!

Now, back to my pre-op diet. Weighed myself tuesday morning, naked and I was 285lbs, for a loss of 7lbs.  Weighed myself this morning and I was 283 for a loss of 9lbs. Not gonna hit that 25lbs loss mark, but I'm happy I'm going down. Every number I see, I just keep thinkin...that is the last time I will see that number on the scale again. When I played ball on Thursday, my jersey fit just a little better! Yeah!

So that's it for today....it's been a crazy week that's for sure. I am so exhausted from lack of sleep I really need to go to bed. Only 3 more days of boost and 4 till surgery! Ahhhh! Nite nite!

Day 6!!

Rylee was a gem today. Definitely cannot let her skip her naps. She is such a terror when she doesn't sleep and such an angel when she does. We went for a 3hr nap together today. Definitely needed by both of us! It's now 2:15am and I'm only writing for a little bit and I gotta get to sleep! I can feel that I am more tired these days due to the lower calorie intake. Don't feel like I've lost all that much weight so I'm really curious to weigh myself. I do however get light headed, nauseous, dizzy sometimes so I know I'm not eating much! Had a few moments of extreme hunger today, but curbed it with a boost and thoughts of the future.

I thought of my ex today. We watched the fireworks at the cabin and I was remembering when he and I went to watch our first set of fireworks together. It was Canada day and we went to Assinaboine park. We used to really enjoy watching them. And I still do. But it was kinda lonely, even tho the family was there. I still miss having someone to hold hands and watch em with. And that wasn't even my ex in the last few years. He never wanted to do anything like that. I can't wait to find someone else that once again enjoys the same things that I do. I definitely had a sad moment today. But, I shook it off, looked at Rylee and smiled. I'll have it again soon enough. :)

Day 5!!

Today was a tough day. I was hungry a lot today. So much so, at times I felt really weak and sick to my stomach. My girlfriend, her hubby and her son all came out to the cabin today. It rained for a good portion of the afternoon so we were stuck inside which made for a cranky Rylee day. And when Rylee has a bad day, mommy has a bad day. I wanted to eat this place out of everything. It was a good thing I had company cuz I probably would have.

Mom, dad and their buddy showed up with my new bunk bed for my room so we had lots of people now to keep my mind off of food. However, I cooked all the meat for supper! Steak, a porkchop, and weiners for hot dogs! I made the steak perfect too! Haha! We also had a big pot of kraft dinner. It all looked so yummy. But I had my little carton of boost. Mmmm mmmm mmmm! Haha! Yup, today was a hard day for sure. But I made it thru. Only 9 more days to go!

Day 4!!

Had a rotten sleep last night. Rylee woke up a few times and then was up for good at 7:30am. Me, not so much. Mom and dad were awake already and agreed to get up with Rylee so I could get another hour of sleep. Thank goodness! I needed it. Got up around 9am and immediately started getting ready for the lake. Me and Rylee were heading out with the dogs to meet my girlfriend and her son and hang out with her friend and her kids for the day. Got here about noon. Spent the day with them and Rylee had a blast in the trampoline, at the park, and playing with the sprinkler. She again didn't have a nap so she was unbelievable come bed time. I so wanted to eat some of her cut up wieners and take a spoonful of her kraft dinner. I didn't. And I'm so proud of myself for that. She really tests me and treats me like crap sometimes. Honestly. I truly believe that when she stresses me out like that, that's when I want to dive into a bowl full of chips. It's really tempting being out here. There's "good" junk food in the pantry and good bbq food in the freezer. Gotta keep my eye on the prize though. Day 4 is coming to a close and I still have 1 more shake to drink. I think one of the hardest things is to find stuff to do with my time now that I'm not eating.  Hence one of the reasons I started writing a journal.

I didn't weight myself today, but my girlfriend said it looked like I already lost some weight. I won't have access to a scale until monday so we shall see. I'm hoping for a good number cuz I wanna make sure my liver does its thing and shrinks for surgery. Also, losing a good chunk of weight before surgery would be nice. Perhaps get back to what I was when I was doing well with weight watchers and bootcamp....which would be 267....thats 25lbs. Dunno if I will lose that much tho. My pants do feel looser today :)

Oh, and as a side note...not enjoying the black tar like poops! Haha! They pre-warn you about constipation, no one tells you you can have black tar like soft poop! So not cool! Also started my period yesterday. Fantastic! Haha!

Day 3!!

Today went really, really well. Signed Rylee up for playschool and took her to tinkertown with my bff from work and her son. Rylee tested my patience on the way to and from tinkertown, but she was an angel while we were there. Which is probably what helped to make my day run smoothly. That and my girlfriend was a pal and didn't order any of the concession food while we were there. I told her she could get whatever she wanted but she only got ice cream.

I don't want people to not get what they want when I'm around. This is my new reality. I need to get used to it too. Be around these foods and not want them. It's hard, but I did it. I had a diet pepsi while we were there at THAT's IT!! So proud of myself! I was hungry toward the end but I should have brought a shake with me cuz I had only had 2 all day. And we didn't leave till 4:30!

Dealt with a screaming kid all the way home. I got home, made her supper, and had 2 more shakes which sustained me. Saved my last one for 930pm. It's now midnight and I'm getting hungry so imma go to bed now. Oh, i weighed myself around 10pm, clothes on and it said 292! kinda depressing, but I know it was late, clothes on, and it's only day 3! Haha! Only 11 more days to go!!

Day 2!!

Was hungry today at times. Felt a little light headed and dizzy but nothing too crazy. Went and hung out at my girlfriend's backyard beach this afternoon after shopping in the am. The beach was good but Rylee started to get bad as we were almost ready to pack up. I've learned that she stresses me out when she is so bad, and I eat. I "snuck" the last 1/4 of Rylee's sandwhich on the ride home. It tasted so good. But I was so mad at myself. Why did I do that? Is it really worth it? No! Heck no!

Rylee screamed all the way home cuz she was over tired. Got home and put her to sleep. Had 2.5 glorious hours to calm down. When she woke up, I made her lunch which was mini make your own pizza lunchables. I again snuck 1/4 of 1 mini pizza. Why? Cuz I was hungry and wanted to know what it tasted like cuz it looked so good. I could have ate it all. I didn't. I stopped myself after that one taste and gave myself a good talking too. Stop it! You paid good money for this and it's only the beginning. Get through these 2 weeks and you are on your way. So I stopped and didn't "sneak" anything else. I was mad at myself for doing it, but proud of myself for stopping it then.

I weighed myself when we got back from the beach. I had wanted to do it the morning I started the shakes, but I was at the lake. Then I forget again this morning. So, better late then never. I weighed myself naked around 3pm.

Starting weight was 291.6lbs. It can only go down from here :)

Start of the pre-op diet




Pre-op pictures #1, can't believe I'm sharing these.....

 

Started the pre-op diet today. Was still out at the lake with mom and Rylee. It was actually pretty smooth. Didn't feel too hungry. Which was completely odd for me. One thing that it really made me realize was how often I reach for food. Whether it be while prepping food for Rylee, cleaning up from Rylee, or just scouring through the fridge and cupboards for snacks. I pick all the time. I thought of picking at Rylee's food so much. I really wanted too, but not at all cuz i was hungry. Out of habit? Maybe....i didn't. Not even once. I was proud of myself :)

Got home from the lake mid afternoon and the evening went quite smoothly as well. I wasn't nearly as hungry as I thought I would be. And, the big bonus, is that the boost shakes aren't too bad tasting. 

  

 





Pre-op pictures #2



My last meal yesterday was a bbq double cheese burger, about 4 mini pizzas, and 3 hashbrown patties with sour cream. So random. I couldn't even finish the burger. It was good though. And I wasn't even all that sad. Which tells me that I think I'm totally ready for this. For this huge change. Even after my last meeting with my psychologist, where I realized that a part of me feels like this surgery is me failing. Failing at the battle of the bulge. Well, I had a few days to ponder that discovery and I've decided to stop thinking that way (easier said than done), and think of it as an accomplishment. To make me healthier and more confident for me and Rylee. To be a good role model for little Miss Rylee. To be around for a long time and enjoy life and be happy on the inside and out. It's not a failure, it's me taking control. To start my new life :)

 


Pre-op Pictures #3